You know what I am tired of hearing and reading about? "Man Having Second Baby" or "It's My Right to Have Kid, Pregnant Man Tells Oprah". The dude is not a dude. The dude is a woman with facial hair. Facial hair does not make someone a dude. Thomas Beatie is really a woman that legally changed her name to Thomas and grew a goatee and kept her "female organs intact because she hoped to have a child some day". Just because you legally change something and put a mask on does not change the plumbing - you know what I mean?
Let's look at this from another angle; there are plenty of women out there that look like men that have offspring. They aren't going around saying "Look at me, I'm a pregnant man". Why? Because they aren't. I'm not saying these women are homely or disgusting - I'm just saying they might have a few more masculine features than some men - but below the waistline and above the quads, they are as female as Heidi Klum
Take for example a grenade - if I legally name my grenade "Milk Shake" and put a straw in it, does that make it a milk shake? Well, using the logic that various news outlets are using by calling Thomas a "he/him/man", yes - this would make my grenade a milk shake. I like milk shakes, and there is nothing milk shakey about a grenade with a straw in it. Actually that is not true, I take that back. If you were to compare a milk shake from the Kenilworth Diner on the Boulevard to a grenade, they do have something in common. They both will blow your mind (chocolate or vanilla, both are tremendous).
Note from publisher: Sorry for the publishing delay "M'lady was busy with the kids."
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Bossa Nova Blog
Butt (Day 4)
So the timing of this cook is a little bit weird since we are eating it for lunch at work. Given the 12:30pm eat time, I woke up at 4:30am and opened all the vents on the Egg. The reason for this is you want to bring the the butt to 190 degrees before you pull it of the grill. Once the butt is at 190 degrees you can remove it and cover it with foil to cool down before you start pulling it.
Because I had some extra time on my hands I made the BBQ sauce. This sauce is one that Scooter shared with me and I like it.
2 cups cider vinegar
3 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons kosher salt
1 tablespoon Tabasco
2 teaspoons hat red pepper flakes
2 teaspoons black pepper
I also picked up the potato rolls and slaw from Wegman's. Once you are all set to eat put some butt on the bun, add slaw, and enjoy. I hope you like your butt - I do.
So the timing of this cook is a little bit weird since we are eating it for lunch at work. Given the 12:30pm eat time, I woke up at 4:30am and opened all the vents on the Egg. The reason for this is you want to bring the the butt to 190 degrees before you pull it of the grill. Once the butt is at 190 degrees you can remove it and cover it with foil to cool down before you start pulling it.
Because I had some extra time on my hands I made the BBQ sauce. This sauce is one that Scooter shared with me and I like it.
2 cups cider vinegar
3 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons brown sugar
4 teaspoons kosher salt
1 tablespoon Tabasco
2 teaspoons hat red pepper flakes
2 teaspoons black pepper
I also picked up the potato rolls and slaw from Wegman's. Once you are all set to eat put some butt on the bun, add slaw, and enjoy. I hope you like your butt - I do.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Does Your Blog Know
Butt (Day 3)
So the butt sat in the marinade for 7 hours. But and I decided to inject the butt last night too. I used half of the injection last night and then I will use 1/4 of it before I put the butt on the Egg, and then the remaining 1/4 will get injected before I go to bed tonight.
How to inject a butt:
Stogies Pork Injection
2 cups apple juice or cider
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup corn syrup
1 tbsp of the rub you use on the butt (finely ground)
Mix all ingredients together and heat over a low burner until the rub mixture is dissolved. Cool to room temperature. IMPORTANTE: Do not inject the butt with hot liquid - ever.
As for the rub - I used something called a Voo Doo rub and it consists of:
1 cup cane sugar (Hawaii)
1/2 cup Lawry's seasoned salt
1/4 cup garlic salt
2 tablespoons celery salt
2 tablespoons onion salt
1/2 cup Hungarian hot paprika
1 tablespoon black pepper
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon mustard powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon MSG
You will want to pull the butt out an hour before grill time and bring it to room temperature. When you pull the butt out, you want to rub it. Let me recommend this - do not actually rub the butt. Sprinkle the rub mixture on to the butt, but don't rub the butt. This will clog the pores of the meat and that's not what you want to do. Nobody hates a clogged pored butt more than me.
After you spread the rub on the butt, you need to build your fire. Today we are using some Wicked Good Lump - Weekend Warrior Blend. Split the lump into large, medium, and small piles. Spread large pieces across the bottom of the grill first, single story pile please. Then fill in any holes or gaps with the medium pieces. Last, spread small pieces across the top. Start one large piece of lump on another grill grate - but not on the grill you are going to use. Once your starter piece is good add it to the center of your lump in the grill you are going to use and bring that baby to 190 degrees. Once stabilized at that temp, add your butt, and grill indirectly for 18 hours.
So the butt sat in the marinade for 7 hours. But and I decided to inject the butt last night too. I used half of the injection last night and then I will use 1/4 of it before I put the butt on the Egg, and then the remaining 1/4 will get injected before I go to bed tonight.
How to inject a butt:
Stogies Pork Injection
2 cups apple juice or cider
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup corn syrup
1 tbsp of the rub you use on the butt (finely ground)
Mix all ingredients together and heat over a low burner until the rub mixture is dissolved. Cool to room temperature. IMPORTANTE: Do not inject the butt with hot liquid - ever.
As for the rub - I used something called a Voo Doo rub and it consists of:
1 cup cane sugar (Hawaii)
1/2 cup Lawry's seasoned salt
1/4 cup garlic salt
2 tablespoons celery salt
2 tablespoons onion salt
1/2 cup Hungarian hot paprika
1 tablespoon black pepper
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon mustard powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon MSG
You will want to pull the butt out an hour before grill time and bring it to room temperature. When you pull the butt out, you want to rub it. Let me recommend this - do not actually rub the butt. Sprinkle the rub mixture on to the butt, but don't rub the butt. This will clog the pores of the meat and that's not what you want to do. Nobody hates a clogged pored butt more than me.
After you spread the rub on the butt, you need to build your fire. Today we are using some Wicked Good Lump - Weekend Warrior Blend. Split the lump into large, medium, and small piles. Spread large pieces across the bottom of the grill first, single story pile please. Then fill in any holes or gaps with the medium pieces. Last, spread small pieces across the top. Start one large piece of lump on another grill grate - but not on the grill you are going to use. Once your starter piece is good add it to the center of your lump in the grill you are going to use and bring that baby to 190 degrees. Once stabilized at that temp, add your butt, and grill indirectly for 18 hours.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Nobody's Supposed to Blog Here
Butt (Day 2)
Today the butt needs to begin marinating. I am trying a new marinade call a California Pork Marinade. For those of you following along, here is the recipe:
1/2 cup Cider Vinegar
1/4 cup chopped, unpeeled orange
2 tablespoons chopped, unpeeled lemon
1/2 cup beef stock
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons molasses
1 tablespoon pickling spice wrapped in cheese cloth
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon dried mint
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon MSG
Combine the vinegar, lemons, and oranges in a blender and puree. Then bring this mixture along with all other ingredients to a boil in a saucepan. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Bring the marinade to room temperature and then sit your butt in it for 5-7 hours (at least). Tomorrow morning we will make the mixture to inject the butt with, and let's not forget that we are going to rub this thing all over too. With tomorrow being cooking day, we have a lot to do including splitting our lump into small/medium, medium, and large piles to make our fire right to burn for 19 hours or so. And as mentioned above, the butt gets injected and rubbed at least an hour before grill time (11am).
Today the butt needs to begin marinating. I am trying a new marinade call a California Pork Marinade. For those of you following along, here is the recipe:
1/2 cup Cider Vinegar
1/4 cup chopped, unpeeled orange
2 tablespoons chopped, unpeeled lemon
1/2 cup beef stock
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons molasses
1 tablespoon pickling spice wrapped in cheese cloth
1 teaspoon dry mustard
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon dried mint
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon MSG
Combine the vinegar, lemons, and oranges in a blender and puree. Then bring this mixture along with all other ingredients to a boil in a saucepan. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Bring the marinade to room temperature and then sit your butt in it for 5-7 hours (at least). Tomorrow morning we will make the mixture to inject the butt with, and let's not forget that we are going to rub this thing all over too. With tomorrow being cooking day, we have a lot to do including splitting our lump into small/medium, medium, and large piles to make our fire right to burn for 19 hours or so. And as mentioned above, the butt gets injected and rubbed at least an hour before grill time (11am).
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Baby Got Blog
I am on stacation (vacation time where you don't actually go anywhere) this week. Instead of travelling, I am researching lump charcoal for a baking contest at work this Friday. Grilling and baking are the same, except grilling involves beer and an occasional cigar. I am preparing pulled pork for the good folks at work and will provide the details of what goes into a pork butt over the course of the week.
Saturday and Sunday were spent looking at research performed by an independent body (http://www.nakedwhiz.com/) on various lump charcoals that other BBQ enthusiast have used. While I would love me some Real Montana Maple Lump Charcoal, I have located some Wicked Good Charcoal - Weekend Warrior Blend about 30 minutes from house as well as Wegmans Brand lump charcoal. Traditionally I have used the Big Green Egg brand lump and have been very pleased. As a test for the butt, I used the Wegmans brand lump on some cedar planked salmon. The results - terrible lump, great fish. I was so pleased with the fish, I made it again the next night, but this time I brined the salmon for about 4 hours in water, kosher salt, and brown sugar. I then cooked the salmon on a maple plank that had been soaking for 4 hours in water at 450 degrees for 15 minutes. If there are two things I learned during this test they are:
1. Brine salmon because the taste is so much better
2. Wegmans brand lump is terrible
Butt Update (Day 1)
Picked up the butts today. That's right - two 8.5 pound pork butts with the bone left in. Let me take a moment to explain the butt. A pork butt is not the butt of a pig - for pulled pork you actually use a shoulder, and the shoulder is often referred to as a butt. There is also a pork picnic that you can use which is the shoulder with a little piece of the leg left on it. Example: Look at your shoulder and then imagine cutting it off and leaving a little piece of your arm on - that's a picnic. Next steps will include: injecting, rubbing, and pulling the butt.
Saturday and Sunday were spent looking at research performed by an independent body (http://www.nakedwhiz.com/) on various lump charcoals that other BBQ enthusiast have used. While I would love me some Real Montana Maple Lump Charcoal, I have located some Wicked Good Charcoal - Weekend Warrior Blend about 30 minutes from house as well as Wegmans Brand lump charcoal. Traditionally I have used the Big Green Egg brand lump and have been very pleased. As a test for the butt, I used the Wegmans brand lump on some cedar planked salmon. The results - terrible lump, great fish. I was so pleased with the fish, I made it again the next night, but this time I brined the salmon for about 4 hours in water, kosher salt, and brown sugar. I then cooked the salmon on a maple plank that had been soaking for 4 hours in water at 450 degrees for 15 minutes. If there are two things I learned during this test they are:
1. Brine salmon because the taste is so much better
2. Wegmans brand lump is terrible
Butt Update (Day 1)
Picked up the butts today. That's right - two 8.5 pound pork butts with the bone left in. Let me take a moment to explain the butt. A pork butt is not the butt of a pig - for pulled pork you actually use a shoulder, and the shoulder is often referred to as a butt. There is also a pork picnic that you can use which is the shoulder with a little piece of the leg left on it. Example: Look at your shoulder and then imagine cutting it off and leaving a little piece of your arm on - that's a picnic. Next steps will include: injecting, rubbing, and pulling the butt.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Paradise Blog
I was walking along the other day and saw a boyfriend and girlfriend speaking to one another. I have no idea what they were talking about, but as I walked by I heard her say to him, "Why wouldn't you ask me first?" Classic last words. I, like many other boyfriends, at one point or another have been asked this age old question many times. So for the ladies, this is why we don't ask you first…WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER.
Why would I ask you a question that I know will inevitably lead to your telling me "No"? Now, I'm no relationship guru but let's consider the alternatives.
Example: Boyfriend goes out for drinks after work without asking girlfriend first.
1. They argue about why he didn't ask first. Such is the case with what I witnessed the other day.
2. Boyfriend asks and girlfriend says no. They then argue about why not.
3. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue about why boyfriend got home so late.
4. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue the next day because boyfriend is too hung over to be useful.
5. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue about why she's never allowed to go out with the girls.
6. Girlfriend says yes, and then asks for an engagement ring. Game over.
Do you see where I'm going with this - By not asking, the argument stays within the realm of why didn't we ask first. If we ask, this opens up a whole can of alternative worms, and dudes can't predict what direction the alternative will go in. So, in order to avoid the unknown we don't ask, and the sure shot discussion is why we didn't ask.
Why would I ask you a question that I know will inevitably lead to your telling me "No"? Now, I'm no relationship guru but let's consider the alternatives.
Example: Boyfriend goes out for drinks after work without asking girlfriend first.
1. They argue about why he didn't ask first. Such is the case with what I witnessed the other day.
2. Boyfriend asks and girlfriend says no. They then argue about why not.
3. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue about why boyfriend got home so late.
4. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue the next day because boyfriend is too hung over to be useful.
5. Girlfriend says yes, and then they argue about why she's never allowed to go out with the girls.
6. Girlfriend says yes, and then asks for an engagement ring. Game over.
Do you see where I'm going with this - By not asking, the argument stays within the realm of why didn't we ask first. If we ask, this opens up a whole can of alternative worms, and dudes can't predict what direction the alternative will go in. So, in order to avoid the unknown we don't ask, and the sure shot discussion is why we didn't ask.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I Write The Blogs
Folks that know me, know I am a proud member of the GOP. I was asked if I was going to write about politics or Johnny's loss. The answer? Nope - not going to do it, that's what we're going to do. Three things I will never try to change someone else's mind on - politics, religion, and sexual orientation. Why? Those are tough subjects that require really long conversations and I don't feel like talking to the same person for that long. No one would interest me that much to keep me entertained for the length of time it would take to try and change their mind. And trust me, I can be very persuasive. Once, I talked Scooter into putting some of Arby's Horsey sauce on his Hot Ham and Swiss melt - remember that bro, no regrets right? My man's been on the Horsey Sauce band wagon ever since.
Congrats to Obama, and congrats to the country for witnessing history in the making. I don't dislike the guy - his policies just didn't fall in line with mine. Is it the end of the world? No. Is it the end of America? Not even close. But folks on the "Change Machine", spare me. And please avoid using quotes from the movie Goonies, like "It's our time!" Let's keep one major fact in mind - the man is a politician. Politicians lie. That's what they do (including Johnny). Obama is not some savior that is going to lead us to changing the world. And he's not going to lead us to the promise land. How do I know? Because we're already here - that's why people are still coming to this country. Don't like the policies, you can leave. America is like employment - it is completely voluntary, you can leave whenever you like. Think the grass is greener in Canada - go, just bring your I.D. For those of you that are on the whole Obama Revolution kick - There is no revolution. The Revolution was a couple of years back, on July 4th. We won. Oh, and at the end of his 4 or 8 years, we will still be the most hated country in the world...why? Because everyone hates numero uno. Nobody ever hates the guy in the middle of the pack. Am I right or am I right?
Think about it, it's easy to hate the rich guy - he's number one. How about we try hating the 95% of Americans that fall into the middle class for not working hard enough to be the rich guy? If I were running for office that would be my platform -95% of Americans make less than $200,000, step it up middlers - be Ameri-CANS not Ameri-CAN'Ts. See, I'm an Ameri-CAN. That's why I write this blog. You come here, you like what you see, you click, I make some coin. That's me trying to be the rich guy. I am simply trying to put the bop in the bop-shoe-op-shoe-op.
Congrats to Obama, and congrats to the country for witnessing history in the making. I don't dislike the guy - his policies just didn't fall in line with mine. Is it the end of the world? No. Is it the end of America? Not even close. But folks on the "Change Machine", spare me. And please avoid using quotes from the movie Goonies, like "It's our time!" Let's keep one major fact in mind - the man is a politician. Politicians lie. That's what they do (including Johnny). Obama is not some savior that is going to lead us to changing the world. And he's not going to lead us to the promise land. How do I know? Because we're already here - that's why people are still coming to this country. Don't like the policies, you can leave. America is like employment - it is completely voluntary, you can leave whenever you like. Think the grass is greener in Canada - go, just bring your I.D. For those of you that are on the whole Obama Revolution kick - There is no revolution. The Revolution was a couple of years back, on July 4th. We won. Oh, and at the end of his 4 or 8 years, we will still be the most hated country in the world...why? Because everyone hates numero uno. Nobody ever hates the guy in the middle of the pack. Am I right or am I right?
Think about it, it's easy to hate the rich guy - he's number one. How about we try hating the 95% of Americans that fall into the middle class for not working hard enough to be the rich guy? If I were running for office that would be my platform -95% of Americans make less than $200,000, step it up middlers - be Ameri-CANS not Ameri-CAN'Ts. See, I'm an Ameri-CAN. That's why I write this blog. You come here, you like what you see, you click, I make some coin. That's me trying to be the rich guy. I am simply trying to put the bop in the bop-shoe-op-shoe-op.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Let My Blog Open The Door
Are folks going through tough times? Sure, the economy, the pending election, unemployment, etc., are all factors that are hitting everyone in some way, shape, or form. But is my family in dire straits? You would think so when I discovered this weekend that my wife thinks we are trying to survive "The Great Depression II".
Over this past weekend we enjoyed a great meal from a hamburger joint called "Checkers" - this is the east coast version of "In-and-Out Burger", although nothing compares to the latter. In any case, after finishing our meal we had about 7 remaining ketchup packets, 1 sweet and sour dip, and a handful of napkins. Folks, I discovered my wife's dirty little secret. She has been hording these types of items from every take-out joint we frequent and uses these items in the future. What am I talking about? I'm trying to tell you that after hours, my wife takes these individual packets and opens them up and squirts them into our Heinz bottle, or our Sweet and Sour bottle. She stacks the napkins in our napkin drawer - soy sauce? Into the Kikkoman bottle.
Babe, sweetheart, my love - I'll be GD'd if I can't provide condiments for our family. I would like to renew our wedding vows, right here and now - "I promise to love you, cherish you, and provide for you - including condiments - until death do us part. If the sky were to fall tomorrow, and I need to stand in the unemployment line - I promise that if nothing else, we will be able to afford our own condiments without having to recycle Burger King brand ketchup, or McDonald's brand sweet and sour."
I never realized my wife was doing this until I grabbed an empty "Big Gulp" and was about to throw it out and she quickly grabbed it from me so that our son could use it for juice. Look, just because our Dell credit line has been revoked doesn't mean I need to wipe my face with a different logoed napkin each night at dinner, or drink my milk from a recycled 7-Eleven cup. So please, when we are done with these items, let's just throw them away. Or better yet, let's put them in one of those clothing drops and then claim them as charitable deductions for our 2008 taxes.
Over this past weekend we enjoyed a great meal from a hamburger joint called "Checkers" - this is the east coast version of "In-and-Out Burger", although nothing compares to the latter. In any case, after finishing our meal we had about 7 remaining ketchup packets, 1 sweet and sour dip, and a handful of napkins. Folks, I discovered my wife's dirty little secret. She has been hording these types of items from every take-out joint we frequent and uses these items in the future. What am I talking about? I'm trying to tell you that after hours, my wife takes these individual packets and opens them up and squirts them into our Heinz bottle, or our Sweet and Sour bottle. She stacks the napkins in our napkin drawer - soy sauce? Into the Kikkoman bottle.
Babe, sweetheart, my love - I'll be GD'd if I can't provide condiments for our family. I would like to renew our wedding vows, right here and now - "I promise to love you, cherish you, and provide for you - including condiments - until death do us part. If the sky were to fall tomorrow, and I need to stand in the unemployment line - I promise that if nothing else, we will be able to afford our own condiments without having to recycle Burger King brand ketchup, or McDonald's brand sweet and sour."
I never realized my wife was doing this until I grabbed an empty "Big Gulp" and was about to throw it out and she quickly grabbed it from me so that our son could use it for juice. Look, just because our Dell credit line has been revoked doesn't mean I need to wipe my face with a different logoed napkin each night at dinner, or drink my milk from a recycled 7-Eleven cup. So please, when we are done with these items, let's just throw them away. Or better yet, let's put them in one of those clothing drops and then claim them as charitable deductions for our 2008 taxes.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Big Bloggin
I usually try to take the easy way out of things. When I endeavor to accomplish a goal - my first thought is "there must be an easier way." Take religion for instance. I get my fill of preaches from a fanatic on the train each morning. He's loud enough that I can hear him over my iPod. But it's pretty cool listening to a preacher talking about JC with "Spread" by Outkast as the choir.
Once, I really did try going to church religiously - no pun intended. When I went to church I went during a time when the entire congregation was reading the Bible - a little bit each week with weekly goals so that within 3 months everyone was to have completed reading the entire book. I successfully met the first two weeks goals but found the Bible a rather difficult read. That's when I picked up "The Bible For Dummies" - google it, this book really exists and I own it.
The issue I ran into with "Dummies" is that it is twice as long as the Bible itself. My goal was not to read more, but to move along with the congregation as we read the entire Bible as a group. My solution - move my book mark in the Bible each week to make it appear as if I was reading the weekly segments and meeting those milestones, but instead listening to the train preacher during the morning commute to get my fill of Christianity.
Some of you might say that this doesn't count, or that I am a cheat or liar. And I would agree with you to a degree. But in my opinion the Bible is a series of short stories that serve as a guide on how we should lead our lives - and sometimes I chose to take the low road. And when it came to reading the "Good Book" I did the bad thing and cheated.
Once, I really did try going to church religiously - no pun intended. When I went to church I went during a time when the entire congregation was reading the Bible - a little bit each week with weekly goals so that within 3 months everyone was to have completed reading the entire book. I successfully met the first two weeks goals but found the Bible a rather difficult read. That's when I picked up "The Bible For Dummies" - google it, this book really exists and I own it.
The issue I ran into with "Dummies" is that it is twice as long as the Bible itself. My goal was not to read more, but to move along with the congregation as we read the entire Bible as a group. My solution - move my book mark in the Bible each week to make it appear as if I was reading the weekly segments and meeting those milestones, but instead listening to the train preacher during the morning commute to get my fill of Christianity.
Some of you might say that this doesn't count, or that I am a cheat or liar. And I would agree with you to a degree. But in my opinion the Bible is a series of short stories that serve as a guide on how we should lead our lives - and sometimes I chose to take the low road. And when it came to reading the "Good Book" I did the bad thing and cheated.
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