Another Blog in the Wall

The credit crisis is now affecting me. Unbelievable. When they said this crisis was going to affect everyone - I excluded myself from that pool of individuals. I don't like to lease things, but the one thing that I could rationalize was leasing our computer from Dell. We all know this technology essentially reinvents itself and doubles in capacity and speed every 18 months. So, owning this equipment would not make sense. We had a credit line with Dell Financial Services that would allow us to lease about 5 of these machines. Those were the good old days. I recently attempted to refresh our technology and turn in our two year old machine for a new one - which is faster and cheaper than our current machine.

Working with the Sales Representative we put the deal together and then he submitted the application to the finance people. My application for a new lease was declined. Do they know who I am? My credit score is good, we never missed a payment on the current machine - and even have it setup to auto draft each month from our checking account, and the new machine was going to be $10 cheaper per month. Somehow our line of credit went from a lot to zero. We no longer have a line of credit available through the financing arm of Dell. This is the kind of thing that really bothers me - how can several million bad credit folks ruin credit for the rest of us? How about simply reducing my line of credit by a third rather than completely wiping it out?

I basically thanked the Sales Rep in the nicest way I could - by telling him that we would be leasing an Apple and hung up.

Apple's are a rip-off. A similar machine to the Dell is 3 times as much and that does not include the investment in Apple software I would have to make. By the time we finished pricing this bad boy out I would need a second line of home equity - which of course is not available to me since we are in the middle of some crisis that involves the availability of credit.

I dislike people with poor credit scores. Have you no shame? My credit score might be the second most important thing to me since it dictates life. It basically allows you to buy a house, or a car, and in some instances it is used to determine if you are a good candidate for a job. The other interesting thing to note is that in order to develop a credit score, you have to have credit - but now people aren't getting credit so they can't develop a credit score. "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?!"

A Blog to a Kill

Me lady is in court today - as a juror. This leaves the kids under my watchful hawk eye. It also gives me time to opine on daytime television. I have been trying to think about how to put this gently so as not to offend too many of the readers of The Daily "Gospel" - that's the nickname of The Daily Blog Blog, tell your friends. Daytime television...it is for idiots.


How did I reach this conclusion? Well, I knew I hit rock bottom when flipping through the channels and some dude was helping a girl "get fashionable" and commented "that he was soooo jealous of her porcelain skin, OMG." Bro, are you a eunuch (google it)? Before hitting rock bottom my morning started out with the Today Show on NBC. Before 9am I could stand the show - it wasn't great but it was background noise with some legitimate news mingled in. Then the show went 100% female. I connected with 0% of what was said after 9am - except that part about men finding red to be the most attractive color on a woman. I wasn't totally convinced until they showed Kelly LeBrock dancing in red from the movie "The Woman in Red", and I was convinced (for the dudes reading this, YouTube it - no regrets).

"The View", this show will set women back 20-25 years by my estimates. The View "is ABC Daytime's morning chatfest, featuring a team of dynamic women of different ages, experiences and backgrounds discussing the most exciting events of the day." Elisabeth Hasselbeck recapped about her time on the campaign trail with Sarah Palin which stirred up the other exciting co-hosts since Elisabeth is the lone Republican on the show. Then everyone got a "Vote" t-shirt that was designed by Hiho Batik which retails for $38. I don't know who this Hiho Batik person is, but me lady showed me how to iron decals onto t-shirts when she was designing "onesies" for the dudette (our daughter). Total cost - $3. You can purchase one of these designer MunsOnsies or a $3 "Vote" t-shirt at our eBay store located here: http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/wonderboyjack_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZQQ_sopZ12

Blog Control to Major Tom

Did you know that the folks that are responsible for driving trains are referred to as "engineers"? This might be the most outrageous use of the word engineer. These people are called engineers because they can read traffic signals, talk on a CB, and move a joystick backwards and forwards to control a train? If that's an engineer - then I'm a nuclear physicist. I'm tired of fake names being given to jobs so that they appear to be glamorous. Take the train conductor for instance - that's they guy that collects tickets. Once I saw a conductor with two patches on his sleeve - one was a star and the other was an admiral insignia like he was in the NJ Transit Military.

What do those patches mean? Is he responsible for a platoon of ticket collectors? Did he outperform his peers in Collector Bootcamp? How was it determined that he should receive this distinguished honor? And the engineer, what a racket - in order to become a member of the "Brotherhood of Locomotive Engineers" you must of course be an engineer. Here are the qualifications for being a Locomotive Engineer:

1. At least 21 years of age
2. Minimum education of high school or equivalent
3. Good physical condition with excellent hearing and eyesight

Seriously - these guys are engineers? The scarier part is that "If you become a locomotive engineer, you’ll join the ranks of the most skilled and experienced of all rail workers." That must mean that the other employees of the railroad are a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. Can you imagine going to work each day and aspiring to become a locomotive engineer? "Darn - if only I was in good physical condition with excellent hearing and eyesight. I blame my mother."

Don't Blog On Me

My town's weekly newspaper is great. Great in that it is so small-time and ridiculous. The "Letters to the Editor" each week are some of the best ever. In this section, readers/writers go back and forth on "envelope pushing" subjects such as allowing dogs to be walked in the downtown area, the closing of the local pool to members for a "volunteer appreciation" swim day, and the latest and greatest subject is the use of power equipment by landscape companies and homeowners.

At the center of this debate is the amount of noise put out by gas powered lawn equipment. The writer suggests that this equipment should be allowed only during the hours of 9-5 and not on Sundays. I am ok with this so far, but then the week after this suggestion was posted another writer suggests using a rake and an electric lawn mower. What a disgrace this person is to mankind. . . MAN being the keyword. A rake and an electric lawn mower? Go back to eating quiche, loser.

This person has obviously never owned the tools that I own, and therefore does not appreciate the smell of a 2 cycle engine exhaust system (does exhaust cause MESOTHELIOMA?), or the commercial grade Snapper push lawnmower with a cup holder for your beer. This person does not enjoy the power of pulling a trigger on nail gun, and the roar of a 40 gallon air compressor with an impact wrench attached, the slicing of plywood on a table saw, or the sweet sound of an 18 inch chainsaw. I know what some of you hippies (hi Marble!) are saying, my Husqvarna tools are outlawed in California for a reason. Perhaps its because the rumble of said tools will cause California to fall off into the ocean. But here in sunny NJ, the one with the biggest, loudest, tools - rules.

I enjoy my tools. I enjoy the noise they make. I enjoy making lawns perfect, screwing in tight, and nailing nails when and if I want to nail something. I enjoy them morning, noon, and night.

Seriously, is there anything more un-American than rakes and electric lawnmowers? Think about it, we don't rake - we use leaf blowers that blow those leafs back onto the branches of our neighbors trees. We use lawnmowers that have enough force to pull the paint off a house and turn your kid's hair orange. Need a piece of paper cut? Put those scissors down and pickup a jig saw. You know what kind of person uses an electric lawnmower? The kind of person that cuts their own hair with a Flowbee and still wears a Smock when performing any type manual labor. Not me, not ever - "Don't Tread on Me" and "Keep Your Laws Off My Body" (I have a backpack leaf blower & matching goggles) that's what I say.

Blog You Like An Animal

"It's at times like this the great heaven knows that we wish we had not so many clothes" sang Adam Ant in the 1980's in his hit "Strip". I heard this song on my way into work this morning and started thinking about the ramifications of wearing less clothing as Adam suggests occurred during "ancient history". For one, it's getting colder now and nobody looks good naked and shivering - trust me, been there done that. Secondly, we're a fat bunch of people. Between 1962 and the year 2000, the number of obese Americans has grown from 13% to 31%. There are 3.8 million people over 300 pounds and 400,000 Americans weigh 400 pounds or more.

Imagine them in less clothing Adam. I don't know how folks looked in the 80's, but this song would not be the anthem for 2008. Don't believe me? Conduct the informal survey I did this morning. I looked around the train car I was on and thought, "would that person look good with less clothing or not". The participants were unaware of this analysis - kind of like exchanging their "normal coffee for Folgers crystals". The results? There was one dude that I thought would be ok with wearing less clothes. He looked like he worked out and in fact, he was reading a book entitled, "Deadly Karate Blows" available from Amazon.com. Now, I am happily married and in order for this analysis to be thoughtful I had to be unbiased - even if it meant considering dudes. I'm not suggesting the guy was "hot", I'm just saying he wasn't obese.

I thought about telling him about my conclusion, but then thought better of it based on his choice of reading material. It was at that moment that I realized that not only could that guy go ahead with wearing less, but he might be the smartest commuter ever. The trains are packed each morning and people act like a bunch of animals. Very often your pelvis is in touch with about 5 other pelvis' or mid-sections depending on your height. But this guy? He had no one within a one-foot radius of him. You don't lay a pelvis on a dude reading "Deadly Karate Blows".

When I arrived at work I immediately went to barnesandnoble.com and invested in my new commuting book - "How To Put An Animal Down Without Using The Gun You Already Own". I will keep you posted on my commute.

Jack in the Blog

This whole credit crisis has everyone pointing fingers at who to blame for the mess. Some people blame Clinton, some blame Barney Frank, others blame Hank Paulson and Wall Street. I am going to go out on a limb here and tell you who I blame - Oprah Winfrey. What does Oprah have to do with the current credit crisis you ask? Everything.

Oprah has a daily viewership of 11.1 million people on average each day. These folks are then provided with episodes in which Oprah has a guest on, usually the author, of a book she has included in her Oprah Book Club. One such book is entitled "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne and was largely influenced by Wallace Wattles book "The Science of Getting Rich". "The Secret" basically breaks down into a thought process that states if you want to drive a BMW, you have to think and believe you are already driving a BMW. If you want to live in a big house, you have to think, believe, and act like you live in a big house.

By having Rhonda on the show, Oprah legitimized the book and the thought process behind it. In my opinion, what happened next due to the "Oprah Phenomenon" is that folks believed they could afford a BMW, then they really went out and bought a BMW. If they believed they could afford a big house and big mortgage, they went out and shopped around and bought a big mortgage McMansion.

Look, I truly believe one day that I will win the lottery - but I am not spending my earnings yet. I first want the money in hand, and then I will spend it. It's like the old saying, "smoke'm if you got'em". People were smoking alright when they "believed" they could afford things that were way out of their league - and it is all due to Oprah's Book Club. Thanks Oprah, thanks for creating the Credit Crisis.

PTFP: I quit.

Block Rockin Blog

I once wished I was one of the brothers in the group "Chemical Brothers". I also wished I was one of the guys that made up "Daft Punk" until I learned they were French and deleted all their music from iTunes - except "Alive 2008". That album is the feel good album of the year.

Back in those days I wanted my stage name to be DJ BootKnocker. I even had my AIM account setup with this name. Once I received a message from someone who thought they knew me, but it turned out they were looking for DJ BootKnocka. No no...Don’t street this name out. I grew up on the tough streets of a town in Northern NJ. How tough? Watching the original "90210" was like watching a day in the life of my high school.

DJ BootKnocker has since been retired and I'm not about to go on the road with my hit single "Coolin It". But if I did have such a song, and it did become a hit, I might reconsider bringing back DJ BootKnocker.

PTFP: Take a wild guess - 7in.

Who Let the Blogs Out?

I was reminded this weekend while going through our music library that Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" was playing on the radio when my mother-in-law brought my wife home from the hospital after she was born. This is pretty cool on several levels, one of which is the fact that they are from Kansas and the whole Wizard of Oz, yellow brick road thing. Based on this fact, I started to think about the songs that were playing when we brought our kids home - Dude and Dudette for the sake of this blog.

Ah…yes, of course…nothing was playing. The radio was off, no talking. I needed to drive and be able to hear Dude and Dudette breath - I was a nervous wreck. But, for the sake of having a great story to tell our kids, I have decided to tell them that the following songs were playing on the radio when we brought them home:

Dude: When we were driving you home for the first time from the hospital after you were born, we all bounced and clapped to the rhythm and rhymes of 2pac's "How Do You Want It?" It was perfect. The chorus really hit the nail on the head as 2pac unleashed "Comin up in the cash game, livin in the fast lane; I'm for real".

Dudette: When you were in the car on the way home for the first time after your birth we turned on the radio and the most perfect song was on. We all sang along to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back". What made this special was not the fact that Dudette was the families' first granddaughter…no no…what made this the perfect song for that day was the fact that I realized that we had a daughter that was large and in charge, and just as JT sang "Look at those hips, go 'head be gone with it" that it was pretty much impossible to look at or find Duddette's hips since she was really round and looked like the Michelin Man on a much smaller scale. Hence her name - Baby Chunk.

And so in closing…The reality is the radio was not on - but since I blogged about it, the truth is now that 2pac and JT made the ride from the hospital bearable.

PTFP: Today I begin yoga.

Open Letter to the Keeper of the Blog

Dear Blogspot,
I wrote a blog about someone crabbing off a pier into the Hudson late last week. Now all the ads on my blog are about crabbing. My blog is not about crabbing, my blog is about peace, harmony, and the American way. My blog is about the little things, and the little people. I am trying to offer a virtual piece of heaven that allows others to escape their lives and become part of mine - which is so totally exciting and filled with mystery and adventure. I keep telling people, "I'm not writing this blog for my health." I'm writing this blog to pay the mortgage, put food on the table each night for my family, and raise enough money to buy a motorcycle. I can keep playing Texas Hold 'Em on my cell phone for fake money, or I can write my blog each day and attract people to read about silly happenings with interesting ads. I know my audience and I know no one cares about crabs, crabbing, or crab fishermen.

Sig from "Deadliest Catch" is not subscribing to my blog because he respects my opinion on the best way to catch Opilio or Alaskan Kings. I have tried for several days now to change the ads that are generated through keywords - yesterday I analyzed, researched, and wrote about the pounds of hotdogs American's eat each year and a lawsuit against "Big Hotdog". How about a couple of ads about some all-beef franks or Jacoby & Meyers? Blogspot, you are forcing me into a corner and it is time I begin playing your game. You want keywords, I will give you 50 instances of the same phrase…

Lime In The Coconut
Lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut, lime in the coconut.

I don't know what this will do for my ads - but like I've said before I am a man of science, and we are performing an experiment. Safety goggles on people…these ads might take you to places you've never been before.

PTFP: 7 in. - this is ridiculous

This is How You Drum Up Business

On my commute into work this morning we were pulling into the train station and an advertisement caught my eye. The ad had a picture of someone that looked like the guy from the old Dunkin Donuts commercials - the one that says, "Time to make the donuts." So the billboard has a picture of the D and D guy holding two hotdogs with the works - ketchup, mustard, relish, kraut, onions. These dogs look tasty, even at 7a.m. But beyond the hotdogs looking good I actually read the billboard, and it read: "Want cancer with that? Call us to join in our hotdog lawsuit."

So, I started thinking about it, and 1.) I don't think anyone serving a dirty water dog is actually going to offer this a topping, and 2.) I don't think anyone ordering a dog would actually want cancer on top of their meal. Besides, do hotdogs really cause cancer? As we all know, I am not about to use WebMD as my source for performing this research, this time I am going to use the master of the universe search engine - Google.

The first link that pops up is file://www.preventcancer.com/consumers/food/hotdogs and this seems like a reasonable site to use given its name. As I read through the document there is one sentence that catches my eye, "Do other foods contain nitrites?" Nitrites are believed to be the cancer causing agents found in hotdogs…and in all other cured meats, bacon, and fish. Holy smokes…Slim Jims cause cancer? I mean Slim Jims are cured meat aren't they - and therefore contain nitrites. By the way, the Tabasco flavored Jims are awesome, nitrites or not - those are staying in my diet. I'll cut out bacon, that's easy.

So back to this billboard, 450 hot dogs are eaten every second of every day in the U.S. according to a fellow blogger's blog at http://everydaymatters-patricia.blogspot.com/2008/07/hot-diggity-dog.html and Americans eat 4 million pounds of bacon each day. So why is the billboard singling out hotdogs? Why not have D and D guy with a slab of bacon? Here's why:

• A hotdog weighs 90 grams
• There are 453 grams in a pound
• Americans eat 450 hot dogs per second
• There are 60 seconds in a minute
• This equals 27,000 hot dogs eaten every minute
• There are 60 minutes in an hour
• Therefore 1,620,000 hotdogs are gulped down per hour
• By my calculations there are 24 hours in a day
• 38,880,000 hot dogs digested by Americans each day
• This many hotdogs times 90 grams equals 3,499,200,000 grams of hot dogs
• Which equates to 7,724,503 pounds of hot dogs eaten each day
  

Compare this to the mere 4 million pounds of bacon and you have your answer. I am joining the hotdog lawsuit revolution.

PTFP: 7 in. (I should probably start stretching)

In the Name of Science

I like to perform tests to see if I have the same end result as others - in other words, I like to perform experiments. This past weekend I was in a rocking mood and I really wanted to jam. I also wanted to see what it would be like to be a true rock star. My experiment consisted of Guitar Hero III for X-Box 360, a bottle of Balvenie 15 year old Scotch Whiskey, and strobe lights.

I'm not going to pretend that I am any good at Guitar Hero, but I can keep up with medium on most songs. But how would I perform if I was just as "under the influence" as Slash in his hayday? Without an ounce of liquor in me I was off to a great start…as usual. "Cult of Personality" - killed it. Took my first swig of Scotch Whiskey, and proceeded to breath fire, cough, runny eyes, and I think it even put a few chest hairs on me. That stuff is bad…and I like it. I am in the middle of "Cliffs of Dover" and feels like the temperature has gone up 10 degrees so I have to open a window.

2 hours and 3 glasses in…by this time my scores are starting to reflect the amount of liquor I have had, and I can't figure out how Slash could be half in the bag and still hit his notes - I can hardly match up a blue key and strum…red/blue doubles - impossible. Folks, this is getting really real - I am seeing double, the crowd in the game is booing and I got kicked off stage.
In summary, I am not a Guitar Hero - a real Guitar Hero can hold their liquor and still hit every note. I am a washed up Super Mario Brothers hack.

PTFT: Did you not just read I drank half a bottle of whiskey?

Hungry? May I Suggest a Soup Kitchen

Dude threw a shoe box sized wire cage with a raw chicken leg in it off a pier in Jersey City into the Hudson River. Looking to score some crab, this guy was all business. He was working the length of the pier with 4-5 cages. His goal was to haul in 2 pounds of crab - about 32 of these little guys. Now, some might call this NJ version of "Deadliest Catch" - and not because this guy was risking life on a boat is sub-zero temperatures. This fisherman was probably going to die if he ate one of these mercury laden crabs he pulled from the bowels of the Hudson.



Let me paint a picture with words of the Hudson from Jersey City. Beautiful skyline views of New York City, great sunrises in the morning. At low tide rub Gorgonzola cheese under your nose so you can actually stand the stench that comes from the river. The river is cleaner than it has ever been - that's like saying a hooker is as clean as she's ever been since she became a born again Christian.



A gentleman walks up to the fisherman and asks what he's looking to catch. Fisherman shows him the crabs he's hauled in thus far including one that only has one claw. "He must have pinched something hard to lose that claw.” Or the mercury his mother digested while he was just a wee crab caused a birth defect is more like it. The best line from the fisherman was, "This is what they make them crab cakes out of down there in Maryland.” Yeah minus the herbs, spices, and chemicals from the Hudson.

PTFP: 7 in.

With the Internet . . . Who Needs Doctors?

I'm not going to get into who should vote for who in the upcoming presidential race - but maybe Senator Obama has a reason to offer government sponsored healthcare - because a lot people are pretty stupid. The reason John McCain's plan won't work is because it requires consumers to be smart shoppers and buy the right healthcare that is best for them. The problem is that it assumes consumers are smart. How did I come to realize that there are a lot of questionable decisions made by people? I was watching the tube last night and an ad came on and this guy said "I trust WebMD because my doctor trusts WebMD." Really? Your doctor uses WebMD? Either the guy doesn't have the internet at home or he is illiterate and can't type in his symptoms into WebMD himself. Otherwise why would he have to go to the doctor's office in the first place - his research on WebMD would be just as good as his doctor's.

This TV ad must make doctors so proud of the time and money they spent at medical school. Just think, all they had to do was open up shop as a "doctor" and have an internet connection and a computer and they would be just as qualified as the doctor referred to in the TV ad. I have never put WebMD to the test, so let's see how good this system is. Below are examples of symptoms I typed into WebMD and the results that were returned.

Issue: Headache Symptoms: Throbbing head, slightly dizzy, unable to focus Result: I must have small amounts of bleeding in my digestive tract

Issue: Paper Cut Symptoms: Slight abrasion on finger, redness, blood Result: I have Lupus

So, if you want to the know the worst possible situation for your symptoms, WebMD should be your source. If you want a professional opinion, keep going to a real doctor, and if you want to save as much as possible on your health insurance, keep going to a WebMD certified doctor that runs shop out of a garage.

PTFP: 7 in.

Let's Blog the Blog out of this Blog

It has been almost 4.5 days since this bad boy of a blog was born and already I have instilled fear in some of the followers of this posting. Some by my own doing by warning folks that I see and speak to on a regular basis that if they say something stupid that I will "write about it on my blog". Others have made requests to publish "their" stories or type a word in the blog "so that they know that I am thinking of them". Like I'm some sort of puppet that is somehow going to find a way to put "ole" in this blog...and please, it counts even though I can't figure out how to put a tilde on it. So let's blog...


I recently came to be the proud owner of a small collection of music that brings my library to a mere 112,464 songs. I don't know every song in the library which makes for interesting "autofill" selections on my iPod shuffle. The music on my iPod can go from Jimi playing the "Star Spangled Banner" to Hamed Nasr singing "Ya Malaki El Bek". Let me put it nicely...the first song mentioned is a must have, and if you own the second song then you must hate to listen to music. I just deleted the second song from my library - that makes 112,463.

I remember being on the elevator one morning and two other folks were on with me. One turns to the other and asks, "What are you listening to.” The other replies, "Ace of Base." You know what - two things...1.) Don't talk in the elevator, and 2.) Don't tell people you are listening to Ace of Base. I need to know that you listen to that band like I need to know you have acne on your back. Since that day I swore to keep my music selection on my iPod private. Your music selection is not my music selection...I probably hate your music selection...strike that I probably have your music selection, unless of course it includes Hamed Nasr...you don't own 112,463 songs without owning a couple of Ace of Base...

PTFP: 7 in.

The Point Is That There Is No Point

So my blog is a daily diary about absolutely nothing except things that are going on in my life. I shared this blog with a friend and she told me that my blog will never succeed and that it was pointless since you could not bucket it into a theme like automotive blog, sports blog, entertainment news blog, etc. So here is what I am going to do…I have never been able to reach down and touch my toes - I have terrible flexibility. Always have, always will…until today. Today I kick off my quest to not only stretch out my legs, quads, and hammys - but to actually bend at the waist, keep my legs straight, and put my palms on the floor. That is my goal and this is the theme of my blog - stretching...a daily posting on reaching down to the center of earth - palms first.

Now, I will keep writing these entertaining tid bits - but each entry will end with a posting to you, the reader, on how I am doing with achieving my goal of putting my palms flat on the floor. This posting will be entitled "PTFP" - that's Palm To Floor Posting and it will then provide you with a measurement. This measurement will be in inches at first, and will describe just how far away I am from getting my fingers to the floor. As my fingers begin to reach the floor, I will then begin providing you with a PTFP in percentage format. This percentage is equal to the percent of my entire hand that is on the floor.

So let's recap:

1. I was accused of having a stupid blog about nothing
2. My blog is now going to be about my quest to put my palms to the floor and will serve as a guide for others to increase their flexibility
3. Postings each day will contain an entry on PTFP
   A. These postings will be in the form of inches and will describe how far away from the floor my fingertips are.
   B. Then as I progress and my fingers begin touching the floor these postings will be in the form of a percent that represents the percentage of my hand that is flat on the floor
   
   Without any further ado, let's put up today's PTFP.
   
   PTFP: Did not stretch today. Keep checking back for daily PTFP.

Are you aware of others when you go to a store or while you are driving? I try to be, but then there are idiots like the two pea-brains that held up people from going into the local Shop Rite Supermarket this weekend while they looked at these stupid $0.50 Halloween flashlights and blocked the single entrance into the store with their carts. This situation raises several questions: 1.) What was I doing going food shopping? 2.) What was I planning on cooking? and 3.) How did I resolve this issue with the rocket-surgeons blocking the entrance? Let me answer these questions in the order, you the reader, care to know them.

Rocket-Surgeon Run In
My mother always says "It's not rocket science.", or "It's not brain surgery.” When I meet some really talented nimrods I like to refer to them as rocket-surgeons - they are that talented at being dumb.

These two women were walking into the Shop Rite each with a cart, only one would walk out. That's not true - but it reads like a movie preview doesn't it? Anyway, they are walking in and right next to the entrance is a stand with these little rinka dink flashlights. "Oh so cute!!” they exclaimed. "Oh, so stupid and so is your taste in gifts.” I thought to myself. The blockers thought they could prevent me from picking up my ingredients for mussels on the grill? I was way ahead of them - I was going cartless. That's right, NO CART. With my own bare hands I was on a mission to carry my grocery list in one hand and pickup the following items with the other: 6 lbs. Maine mussels, parsley, two lemons, 4 tomatoes, 1 gallon whole milk, scallions, 1 French baguette, and 1 stick unsalted butter. I know what you're thinking, and I’m going to go ahead and say it…I have big hands. But let's get back to the blockers - Since I am without cart I have an advantage over the other 5 folks behind the blockers. I cut through the blockees until I reach the blockers’ carts, I split 'em like Moses did the Red Sea, and as I pass I provide them with my color commentary on the situation they have created, "Are you both that self-absorbed that you think you are the only ones wanting to pickup groceries today?” "Well...oh…we…we were just looking at the flashlights.” the one replied. "Stupid idea, at a stupid time, at stupid place, stupid.", and I walked off. This is the kind of stuff that happens to me everyday…so be prepared for these gems on The Daily Blog Blog.

The Meal
I’m not really the kind of person that goes food shopping unless absolutely necessary – and the necessity today was a great dish of mussels for the boys to enjoy while the peaches were at the mall. The kids were sleeping and Scooter and I were going to eat like Vikings. The dish is really simple – ingredients listed above, except for the milk, that was for the kids in the a.m. and the baguette, that’s for dipping in the mussels. Mix the ingredients in a tin pan along with red pepper flakes, kosher salt, and pepper and cook on a grill at 425-500 degrees for 8 minutes. Stir, serve, eat – dip bread in juice. Do not eat any mussel that has not opened – DANGER: Shell Shock. This meal will feed two grown men and will cost you $20. Scooter and I ate this messy and delicious dish out back around the fire pit – yeah I know what you’re thinking, but we were listening to AC/DC so it was cool.

The Best First Blog Ever

So this dude at work created a blog and hooked it into Google ads and made like $2.45 in 3 days - that's $2.45 he didn't have before his blog. I figured I can write stupid stuff that people will get a kick out of and make some money while doing it...and so The Daily Blog Blog was born.So what is The Daily Blog Blog about? Whatever is on my mind - that's what. So let's get started...Likes: My green lawn, grilling on The Big Green Egg (posts on this to come later - in the mean time Google it if you don't know what it is), guns (although I don't own one I think the idea of one is pretty cool), and camp fires.Dislikes: Mean people and bumper stickers that say "Mean People Suck". I think people that have that as their mantra are pretty stupid. That might be the most ridiculous saying you could put on your car as a sticker or on your body as a t-shirt or God forbid a tattoo. If someone had that as a tattoo it should be in the book I recently finished reading entitled "No Regrets". This book contains the most hysterical tattoos out there. But I digress - I enjoy having fun with people and making them laugh. I dabble in humor at least three times a day, but sometimes there are people that need to brought back into reality and so what comes out of my mouth might seem mean at the time, but afterwards we have a mental hug and all is sound in the world. So The Daily Blog Blog will be entries of the stories, run-ins, and tales from my daily life that involve me and some other character and our ability to get past hating each other and get back to living.